Dear Cara,
I had this dream a few months back about a strange growth in the palm of my hand. It’s been weirding me out ever since. What do you think it means?
I’m in a room talking to two women. It feels vulnerable like I am revealing something deep. They stand and listen. I see that my left palm has a huge growth, 3 or 4 inches, pressing straight up! It really gets my attention. Like what the heck is this? It’s scary and weird. Somehow the tip of it gets cut (I can’t remember how this happens) and something is released and it melts down and it’s gone, like it was never there. These women are still standing next to me, like they are witnessing this, like they care about me and see me. An aha moment, like a breakthrough of some sort.
Now I am with Olivia (a friend from high school — we often had fun together but she used to give me the cold shoulder and I’d be baffled as to what I did wrong and she never would tell me. It was a stressful friendship). She is telling me something. I don’t respond. I think about how I am not being fully genuine with her. In some way, I am holding back. Like I can’t be fully myself and honest with her.
Krystal from Bethesda, Maryland, US
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Hey Krystal,
Your dream makes me want to ask a million questions! So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
First, are you able to recollect more details about the nature of the growth on your hand? For example, did it have color, texture, shape, form, temperature, vibration? Was it alive or inanimate? Did it remind you of anything? How was the growth effecting the skin on the palm of your hand in the dream? If you pay close attention did it hurt, or possibly even feel good? And how about as it melted and eventually disappeared?
It feels meaningful to me that the growth getting “cut,” just happens somehow, like whatever this process is, it’s just happening to you — it’s not within your control. I think it’d be fruitful for you to explore the growth through drawing it to learn more about its details. Maybe if you have a hard time answering any of the questions above, you could first try drawing and see what comes up.
Some more questions for you. In waking life, what does it feel like for you to be witnessed Krystal? How does being witnessed by the two women in this dream compare? How does it feel to take in that you are both being cared for and seen by them? You do mention that it’s scary. Can you sit for a while with that scary feeling and if yes, what body sensations arise? You see, I’m wondering if it’s possible these women are healing figures who are witnessing something scary that happened to you in order to help you integrate the experience, even though it’s no longer taking place, perhaps letting you know that the situation is no longer so scary.
I really love the basic nature of their actions. They stand and they listen. They are space holders and witnesses, pure and true. It seems their presence alone facilitates a significant breakthrough moment for you. How do you feel in the dream about this breakthrough? You make note of it, but don’t say how it feels. I’m noticing now that the growth itself is also a breakthrough! What was taking place in your life at the time you conceived of this dream? Had you been going through a period of personal growth?
Alright now, the second scene of this dream is very different. Here we have Kate, who seems diametrically opposed to the two witnesses in the first paragraph. While in the first scene you are cared for and witnessed by nonjudgmental, loving presences while experiencing growth, in the second scene with Kate you feel unresponsive, disingenuous, like you’re holding back. Here you are not fully being yourself in the presence of someone who often gives you the cold shoulder and it makes you question yourself. What’s it like to juxtapose these experiences, as the dream is doing for you? Is one of these experiences more familiar for you Krystal? Are they both within reach? I’m wondering if perhaps one of these ways of being dominated over a certain period of your life. Could it be that now the balance is beginning to shift?
Overall Krystal, my sense from this dream is that something new is emerging for you, and newness, filled with unfamiliar feelings and spaces, can often be scary. I find it noteworthy that in the midst of attending to the strange, new growth on the palm of your hand in this dream, you don’t mention anything about not feeling like yourself. Maybe whatever this is, this growth that encompasses fruition as well as decomposition, is a process of becoming more like you than anything you’ve ever felt before.
If we were to work this dream together in session, it would be so fun to follow the path of insights your answers would further illuminate for us. I hope you enjoy considering them.
Warmly,
Cara
Illustrated by Abby Winters from Refinery29.com
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Dear Cara,
I recently had a dream about giving birth that I haven’t been able to shake. I’m wondering how you’d read it particularly since I’m not at all interested in having children and in the dream I give birth to a dog.
I am on a bed alone, giving birth to a puppy. There is no pain but I feel some loneliness. When he is born I see he has very dark fur and is the size of both my hands. I hold him to me and carry him to a crate where I’ve set up a soft bed and lay him inside to rest.
My partner is nearby, I know he is my partner, but waking life me does not recognize him as someone specific, perhaps he is an amalgamation of men I have been with. He seems unfazed by the arrival of the puppy and a little perturbed by something, though I’m not sure what. There is a coldness in him that I wish were warmth instead. I wish he’d recognize what I’d just done.
Meanwhile, I am in rehearsals for a play. This rehearsal is taking place nearby under the same roof where I gave birth, but a separate section of the building. The other actors and I are sitting at a round oak table with a very heavy presence. We are doing a read-through and I cannot seem to hold onto my lines. It’s like they keep changing in front of my eyes on the page. I feel sure this is not my fault but I don’t know how to explain what is happening. I feel very disoriented and also embarrassed. I know I’m letting everyone down. The director shows me she is very frustrated that I am holding us all back. I fear that my lines will be taken away.
After rehearsal I go back to where I left the puppy to see that he has gotten out of his cage and has already grown to the size of an adult dog. I realize that he is going to be enormous. I didn’t expect this and I’m worried that it will be unmanageable. Then I see on a computer screen footage of myself in the play. I am dancing but I have no lines to say. I feel a resignation creeping in.
Looking forward to your thoughts.
Delilah from Hudson, New York, US
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Hi Delilah,
Thanks for submitting this dream. What really stands out to me most is what I see as your emotional experience in the first few scenes. And as your intuition guided you, I also don’t really see this as being about a desire for children or giving birth per se. I’d like to start by simply exploring the trajectory of the feeling terrain as I see it.
First Delilah, you’re alone and feeling lonely, but you say there’s no pain. What does it feel like to experience this loneliness if it’s not tinged with pain? Then, you birth this tiny little furry thing that you hold close to your chest in the palms of your hands, but rather than stay with the pup nestled against you, a possible antidote for being alone, you lay him down to rest prolonging your solo state.
The person who you perceive as your partner in the dream also seems distant, disconnected. You say they are somewhat perturbed and exuding coldness. In experiencing his coldness a wish arises in you. You wish for warmth and recognition. Are any of these feelings familiar for you Delilah? Wishing for warmth, connection, closeness, perhaps also recognition? How do you feel now making room for the consideration of these feelings?
I wonder Delilah, if your partner’s perceived coldness is meant to demonstrate for you a stance that you yourself sometimes take in relation to your own accomplishments and efforts (birth being a major creative endeavor). It strikes me that you too in the dream are relatively unfazed by the birth of the puppy in a sense. Is there a way in which you might somehow be getting in the way of your own desires being met in your waking life? Is it safer to detach, play things off as if they don’t mean too much? I am personally curious what it would be like for you to extend the period where you hold the puppy close to you, to truly feel what it means to you and to feel what you’ve accomplished. What happens if you allow yourself to feel into being connected with this warm, furry creature you’ve just birthed? Don’t put him down. Acknowledge all that’s here and if you’re up for it, write about the experience of spending more time with this dream imagery.
Interestingly, your dream’s next motive is to bring you into rehearsals for a play where the main focus is your fear that your lines will be taken away. So you’re acting! A vocation driven by emotion! I think this is the point Delilah. To truly feel, you can’t rely on the lines. Your motive has to come from lived experience and surrendering to feeling fully is the research. And it’s scary, hence there’s fear here. To truly feel, control must be sacrificed. In the dream you’re concerned that you’re letting everyone else down by not being in control, there is even an authoritative “director” figure, perhaps a psychic representation of your inner gatekeeper present, but ultimately it’s only you and the state of your own spirit/psyche at stake if the fullness of your feelings are cut off. Maybe the heavy presence at the reading table is the weight of not feeling fully connected to whatever it is you’ve just birthed, to having let it go, the prolonged state of your aloneness manifest. It could be an interesting exploration for you to begin to notice in your waking life when this director figure who you’re afraid of displeasing comes up and to learn more about her.
Your feeling of concern that the puppy’s size will grow to become unmanageable feels to me like a vestige of believing that your own emotional experience might bigger than you can manage or that others will tolerate/support. Is there some messaging you received at any point in your life about your emotions or need for connection being out of bounds, too big, too messy, too needy, too much, etc? Might this have put you in the position of sustaining your independence even in cases when you desire warmth and togetherness?
But finally Delilah, I want to say that I think there is a silver lining at the end of this dream meant to offer you reassurance. Even though you’ve left the puppy, they’ve turned out ok. I think in some way, the puppy is also you. You are okay. And you have grown. Even without constant controlled monitoring and without all of the nurturing attention you may have desired, you are okay and you have grown.
You know actually Delilah, in my opinion, there’s a double silver lining in this dream. The puppy’s growth is one thing, but its birth is another. There is something being born from you in this dream. Perhaps it’s the birth of coming into a fuller awareness of and richer experience of your own desires. Maybe the dream is demonstrating to you the juxtaposition of how you have sometimes been in relationship to your emotional life in the past, but also offering and affirming a new way forward….acting in a play, dancing with no lines, fully moved and supported by your own feelings and intuition, bringing life motivated from what’s alive on the inside.
Would love to hear how this take on your dream resonates with you Delilah. Be in touch.
Cara
Cara Liguori has been learning from her own dreams for a lifetime and has been a student/practitioner of Natural Dreamwork since 2019. You can book a Natural Dreamwork session with her here.
Image from FreePik.